How the Holidays Redefine Genre Writing
How the Holidays Redefine Genre Writing
Does a house full of guests put a cramp in your writing style? Not if you consider all the new genre categories you can add to your resume.
Travel Writer - Writing in your car at red lights, in parking lots and in the McDonald's drive-thru.
Sci-fi/Fantasy Writer - Writing how a 12 lb. turkey took six hours to cook.
Medical Writer - Writing about your recent dyslexia attack when realizing your guests arrive on the 12th not the 21st.
Erotica - Writing in the bathtub.
Environmental Writer - Explaining the benefits of killing a tree and dragging it in the house for Christmas.
Food Critic - Singing the praises of deli counter cheese samples.
How-to Writer - Teaching the fine art of spray painting dust bunnies red and green for Christmas.
Children's Writer - Writing excuses as to why Santa did not bring Jenny a new puppy.
And last but not least.....
Greeting Card Writer - Writing copy that says how great your family is doing.
Originally published December 11, 2000, Inscriptions Magazine.
When everything’s coming up roses and you’re life is like a bowl of cherries, you can thank a gardener.
Did you ever wonder where clichés originate? I’m willing to bet the farm that many of our popular sayings stem from the garden. Let’s see how garden clichés apply to everyday life.
How about your little sprout? Is he the apple of your eye? Maybe members of your family tree commented on how he’s growing like a weed. I know my granddaughter has ants in her pants when naptime comes around. But after a nap, she’s fresh as a daisy and ready to take the bull by the horns.
Teenagers need sage advice. Stay cool as a cucumber when dishing the dirt about sowing wild oats. Remember, they’re wet behind the ears, so just nip it in the bud.
Around the house you’re sure to get rubbed against the grain. Lost socks are like looking for a needle in a haystack, but if you wait long enough you’ll hit pay dirt. It doesn’t pay to replace them; money doesn’t grow on trees.
Gossip can get you into a real pickle. I heard it through the grapevine that my friend has a new boyfriend. A little bird told me he’s the cream of the crop when it comes to guys. I was beet red when I learned of his name. I loaned this guy seed money to start a business.
My friend and I are like two peas in a pod. Should I spill the beans? Maybe opening a can of worms over chicken feed is like making a mountain out of a molehill.
I was once led down the garden path by a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I believed every word he said. The yarn he spun sure pulled the wool over my eyes. Knock on wood I came to my senses and dropped him like a hot potato.
I recently went to my high school reunion. It was great to get back to my old stomping ground. But there is usually one bad apple in every bunch. This girl always had a bee in her bonnet. Fortunately she turned over a new leaf. Now, she’s down to earth and solid as a rock.
Now as I get older I realize the grass is not always greener on the other side. I stand my ground and when life hands me lemons, I make lemonade. Fellow gardeners, raise your glasses in a toast to gardeners everywhere. Here’s mud in your eye!
Originally published February 1, 2003, Pocono Record, Stroudsburg, PA.
GAS CRISIS
The gas crisis of the seventies sparked a new way to bring down the price of gas. Full service stations disappeared, replaced with mini gas oasis islands for self-serve.
Today, Americans are spoiled when it comes to the convenience of getting gas. First, stations started staying open 24 hours. Then they created their own credit cards. Next they made a pay-at-the-pump option. One company even has a "wand" you wave at the pump. What next? Someone will come out and pump your gas for you? Hey wait a
minute ....
TRUTH IN MEDIA
You are watching a news program. Top story; Man goes on a shooting rampage.
Outside the suspect's home, neighbors gather to catch a glimpse of the TV cameras. The on the spot reporter asks the neighbors," Did you have any idea that he was capable of such violence."
The reply is always the same, "He was such a good neighbor. So quiet and he kept to himself. I never would have thought he would go one a killing spree."
Wouldn't you like to hear the truth, just once, "Yes, I knew he'd do it. That's all we talked about. Someday he's gonna go off."
I believe honesty is the best policy.
Copyright © 2006, Cindy Kerschner, All Rights Reserved.
